Losing

My little boy is 7 years old. He loves sports. He does not like losing.

I am not the first to trumpet the virtues of learning to lose, but I will add myself to the voices of parents who think that it is important.

I lost the first hockey game I ever played in 30 – 0. Everyone that I still know from that team remembers. And we all also remember that we did not win a game that whole year. We lost 26 – 2, 10 – 0 (many times), 13 – 3, and so on and so on.

But we won some games the next year and while we were never good, we got better.

I coach little league baseball. We do not keep score. I can guess at the reason, but do not know for sure. I think that we are doing a disservice to the kids (and probably the parents).

I am a pacifist. I care deeply about people. I am closer to a socialist than I am to anything else.

But we have got to teach our young people to deal with adversity. Things are not always going to work out in the way that we want them to work out. Life is full of surprises and challenges and disappointments and people who do things better than us.

The hope here is that at those challenging, uncomfortable moments, we do not cower from the opportunity to improve; we do not give up in frustration; we do not go running to our parents/partners/friends in tears; we do not avoid playing or participating because there is a possibility we might face an unfavorable outcome.

Instead we get inspired and energized to be better.

I do not want my kids to like losing. But I do want, and expect, them to win and lose with dignity and respect. I want them to be angry and disappointed. And I want them to feel challenged and driven to do better next time.

I want them to learn from difficult situations, not run from them.

Facing the future they face, these lessons will come. I prefer to learn the skill before it is necessary.