My little boy is 7 years old. He loves sports. He does not like losing.
I am not the first to trumpet the virtues of learning to lose, but I will add myself to the voices of parents who think that it is important.
I lost the first hockey game I ever played in 30 – 0. Everyone that I still know from that team remembers. And we all also remember that we did not win a game that whole year. We lost 26 – 2, 10 – 0 (many times), 13 – 3, and so on and so on.
But we won some games the next year and while we were never good, we got better.
I coach little league baseball. We do not keep score. I can guess at the reason, but do not know for sure. I think that we are doing a disservice to the kids (and probably the parents).
I am a pacifist. I care deeply about people. I am closer to a socialist than I am to anything else.
But we have got to teach our young people to deal with adversity. Things are not always going to work out in the way that we want them to work out. Life is full of surprises and challenges and disappointments and people who do things better than us.
The hope here is that at those challenging, uncomfortable moments, we do not cower from the opportunity to improve; we do not give up in frustration; we do not go running to our parents/partners/friends in tears; we do not avoid playing or participating because there is a possibility we might face an unfavorable outcome.
Instead we get inspired and energized to be better.
I do not want my kids to like losing. But I do want, and expect, them to win and lose with dignity and respect. I want them to be angry and disappointed. And I want them to feel challenged and driven to do better next time.
I want them to learn from difficult situations, not run from them.
Facing the future they face, these lessons will come. I prefer to learn the skill before it is necessary.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Hard to Imagine.
Watching the inauguration of Barack Obama the other day I was touched by the faces of the black young people. What an amazing day for them…but do they even know what an amazing day it was?
Seeing a black man becoming the president of the United States opens up possibilities in their imagination of what is possible that has never before existed. The implication of it is profound.
Years ago in the late 1990’s, when the US Women’s soccer team rose to prominence, won Olympic gold and a World Cup, I was watching with my wife. She looked at me and said something that I will remember forever.
“This is the first time ever that I can imagine being a professional athlete.”
It was so jarring to me (a athletic kid who survived the torture of school by holding the dream of playing professional sports), that she had to further explain.
When we were growing up there were no female athletes who were prominent. I suppose there were some tennis players and Olympic athletes, but that did not do it for my wife. She never considered playing sports a possibility in her imagining of what was possible for her life.
Again, I need to re-iterate that this was a complete shock for me. It had always been a possibility for me – albeit a long shot. But, it was clearly a part of what I imagined as possible and it drove me to engage in my life in a really different way.
I did not feel powerful or important in the academic world, but this dream of being a athlete filled me with hope, with possibility, and kept my imagination working. Without this I would have been a lost, lost little boy.
I suspect that Tuesday, January 20, 2009 (along with November 4, 2008) will go down as a turning point in the lives of countless young black people. I do not know that the impact will be massively visible, mine was not, but it will open those doors to hope, possibility, and imagination.
Seeing a black man becoming the president of the United States opens up possibilities in their imagination of what is possible that has never before existed. The implication of it is profound.
Years ago in the late 1990’s, when the US Women’s soccer team rose to prominence, won Olympic gold and a World Cup, I was watching with my wife. She looked at me and said something that I will remember forever.
“This is the first time ever that I can imagine being a professional athlete.”
It was so jarring to me (a athletic kid who survived the torture of school by holding the dream of playing professional sports), that she had to further explain.
When we were growing up there were no female athletes who were prominent. I suppose there were some tennis players and Olympic athletes, but that did not do it for my wife. She never considered playing sports a possibility in her imagining of what was possible for her life.
Again, I need to re-iterate that this was a complete shock for me. It had always been a possibility for me – albeit a long shot. But, it was clearly a part of what I imagined as possible and it drove me to engage in my life in a really different way.
I did not feel powerful or important in the academic world, but this dream of being a athlete filled me with hope, with possibility, and kept my imagination working. Without this I would have been a lost, lost little boy.
I suspect that Tuesday, January 20, 2009 (along with November 4, 2008) will go down as a turning point in the lives of countless young black people. I do not know that the impact will be massively visible, mine was not, but it will open those doors to hope, possibility, and imagination.
What a struggle. What a search.
What a struggle. What a search.
I was marveling the other day as I rode my kids to school how some days I feel so strong on my bike and other days so tired and weak. What happens to create that?
Today was a similar day, but not on my bike. All day I had things that I wanted to do for work, but, wow, was it hard to get focused, stay focused, and do the kind of thinking that I wanted to be doing. What happens to create that?
It was stuff that I wanted to do. It was stuff that I was excited about doing. I was scared and uncertain about what and how to do it (I was creating a workbook for my book), but still I have done stuff like this before.
Through out the day I had to keep on fighting to stay focused and persevere even though I wanted to stop and find something to waste my time doing. Ugh. There were many days like this while working on the book, so I have gotten used to powering through and trusting that tomorrow would be easier and better.
But today I was really searching for something. I felt like I wanted something to be different. I wanted something more than what I was doing.
I kept checking my email for an exciting message.
I kept looking at the sports news for something exciting.
I reverted to my backup websites – news and political blogs.
I thought about eating something.
I finally did eat something.
I listened to music.
But nothing satisfied me.
No matter how many times I went through this cycle searching for It, It never arrived. So I began to wonder what It would be if It did arrive.
A new client? A trade by the Cubs? Someone making a trade in my fantasy baseball league? A delicious something to eat?
What would have happened had one of those things happened? It would have been interesting. It would have diverted my attention. It would have given me an excuse to pay attention to something other than the workbook?
I still cannot figure it out. But the feeling is too familiar. The search for something…groping for some feeling, some event, some something.
Ugh. What is it?
I was marveling the other day as I rode my kids to school how some days I feel so strong on my bike and other days so tired and weak. What happens to create that?
Today was a similar day, but not on my bike. All day I had things that I wanted to do for work, but, wow, was it hard to get focused, stay focused, and do the kind of thinking that I wanted to be doing. What happens to create that?
It was stuff that I wanted to do. It was stuff that I was excited about doing. I was scared and uncertain about what and how to do it (I was creating a workbook for my book), but still I have done stuff like this before.
Through out the day I had to keep on fighting to stay focused and persevere even though I wanted to stop and find something to waste my time doing. Ugh. There were many days like this while working on the book, so I have gotten used to powering through and trusting that tomorrow would be easier and better.
But today I was really searching for something. I felt like I wanted something to be different. I wanted something more than what I was doing.
I kept checking my email for an exciting message.
I kept looking at the sports news for something exciting.
I reverted to my backup websites – news and political blogs.
I thought about eating something.
I finally did eat something.
I listened to music.
But nothing satisfied me.
No matter how many times I went through this cycle searching for It, It never arrived. So I began to wonder what It would be if It did arrive.
A new client? A trade by the Cubs? Someone making a trade in my fantasy baseball league? A delicious something to eat?
What would have happened had one of those things happened? It would have been interesting. It would have diverted my attention. It would have given me an excuse to pay attention to something other than the workbook?
I still cannot figure it out. But the feeling is too familiar. The search for something…groping for some feeling, some event, some something.
Ugh. What is it?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Keep Speaking, Barack
I hope that Barack keeps on speaking publicly.
He has the chance to lead us with his words and vision. I hope that these talents of his do not get lost in all the “work,” appointments, behind the scenes stuff, etc.
We need his voice, his challenges, his call to action.
Today, his inauguration day, we again heard the voice from the campaign that got so many of us excited, hopeful, and inspired to change.
I heard thoughts about what made this country a great country. I was reminded of the hard work, the sacrifice, the tough decisions our ancestors and the founders of the USA faced, and the amazing courage they had in stepping up to the plate to take on these challenges. I heard a need for us to get back to that attitude – and away from the place of sitting back and enjoying the fruits of the suffering and sacrifice of those came before us.
Did you hear it?
QUESTION #1 – Are you willing to do the hard work?
If not, what did you hear?
I wonder how hard we are willing to work to be certain that we pass along a healthy world to our children.
But, I think we need to be careful. A colleague recently asked me a question. “Do you think that your work as a coach is helping people who are doing harm do it better and more effectively?” He continued, “Or do you think that you are coaching people to re-evaluate whether what they are doing is actually creating meaning and advancing a way of being that is beneficial to communities and people?”
What is it that we want to work harder and make sacrifices for? And then, how do we get it? I wonder if we know what it is. I wonder if we know what it is not.
Where is the message going to come from?
As I write and think about it, perhaps it came (and will continue to come) from Barack and some of the other people who spoke today – some of the voices calling out for change. Maybe it will come from you. A word that I heard a lot this morning was Love.
I heard it in taking time for people less fortunate. I heard it in the importance of being an engaged and loving parent. I heard it in being willing to sacrifice a portion of your well being in order to support your co-worker, neighbor, friend. I heard it in being open to difference – of opinion, of skin color, of nationality. I heard it in being willing to dig in, work until our hands are raw (and beyond), and deal with the crisis that is our current western lifestyle.
QUESTION #2 – How willing are you to have part of the hard work be an honest assessment of your values, what you take for granted, and whether you are part of the problem or part of the solution?
My next thought is that for those of you/us who have known that change is necessary for a long while.
A friend of mine has for years been living a life I admire and aspire to. She is massively respectful of people. She works tirelessly to get people engaged in their community. She works really hard to be a loving and awesome mom.
And she encounters lots and lots of resistance. Sometimes the resistance comes in the absence of a response to her invitations. Sometimes it comes in the dismissing of her point of view. Sometimes it comes as criticism of her values and beliefs. Sometimes it comes behind her back when people dismiss her as crazy or idealistic or…
But she persists.
I want to persist. I want my voice to get louder. I imagine my family and friends who are now coming to realize that our way of being has got to shift, saying to me, “Why weren’t you more vocal? Why were you so timid about that thing that you believed in so much? Why didn’t you speak up?
It is time. It is time to answer these questions, and one more.
QUESTION #3 – What will it take for us to be the change AND speak up even though our voice shakes?
He has the chance to lead us with his words and vision. I hope that these talents of his do not get lost in all the “work,” appointments, behind the scenes stuff, etc.
We need his voice, his challenges, his call to action.
Today, his inauguration day, we again heard the voice from the campaign that got so many of us excited, hopeful, and inspired to change.
I heard thoughts about what made this country a great country. I was reminded of the hard work, the sacrifice, the tough decisions our ancestors and the founders of the USA faced, and the amazing courage they had in stepping up to the plate to take on these challenges. I heard a need for us to get back to that attitude – and away from the place of sitting back and enjoying the fruits of the suffering and sacrifice of those came before us.
Did you hear it?
QUESTION #1 – Are you willing to do the hard work?
If not, what did you hear?
I wonder how hard we are willing to work to be certain that we pass along a healthy world to our children.
But, I think we need to be careful. A colleague recently asked me a question. “Do you think that your work as a coach is helping people who are doing harm do it better and more effectively?” He continued, “Or do you think that you are coaching people to re-evaluate whether what they are doing is actually creating meaning and advancing a way of being that is beneficial to communities and people?”
What is it that we want to work harder and make sacrifices for? And then, how do we get it? I wonder if we know what it is. I wonder if we know what it is not.
Where is the message going to come from?
As I write and think about it, perhaps it came (and will continue to come) from Barack and some of the other people who spoke today – some of the voices calling out for change. Maybe it will come from you. A word that I heard a lot this morning was Love.
I heard it in taking time for people less fortunate. I heard it in the importance of being an engaged and loving parent. I heard it in being willing to sacrifice a portion of your well being in order to support your co-worker, neighbor, friend. I heard it in being open to difference – of opinion, of skin color, of nationality. I heard it in being willing to dig in, work until our hands are raw (and beyond), and deal with the crisis that is our current western lifestyle.
QUESTION #2 – How willing are you to have part of the hard work be an honest assessment of your values, what you take for granted, and whether you are part of the problem or part of the solution?
My next thought is that for those of you/us who have known that change is necessary for a long while.
A friend of mine has for years been living a life I admire and aspire to. She is massively respectful of people. She works tirelessly to get people engaged in their community. She works really hard to be a loving and awesome mom.
And she encounters lots and lots of resistance. Sometimes the resistance comes in the absence of a response to her invitations. Sometimes it comes in the dismissing of her point of view. Sometimes it comes as criticism of her values and beliefs. Sometimes it comes behind her back when people dismiss her as crazy or idealistic or…
But she persists.
I want to persist. I want my voice to get louder. I imagine my family and friends who are now coming to realize that our way of being has got to shift, saying to me, “Why weren’t you more vocal? Why were you so timid about that thing that you believed in so much? Why didn’t you speak up?
It is time. It is time to answer these questions, and one more.
QUESTION #3 – What will it take for us to be the change AND speak up even though our voice shakes?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
START: The Year of Change is Upon Us!
Last year there were millions of voices calling for change. There were people everywhere full of hope and excited about the future. And here it comes.
But, already there is disappointment.
Of course there is disappointment. How could there not be?
The change that we are seeking will not come because we elect someone, get married, decide to go to school, or anything else. It will not happen because of some external circumstance.
There is disappointment because in the year of change, we have not changed.
We still think this is how life happens:
• We want something different
• Some event happens
• It changes the quality of our life
We still live with the tired old paradigm that change happens to us. We act like we are audience members watching a show – and we sit and hope that the show will turn out in a way that we like.
It is time for change. It is time that we got up on stage. The only way for you to find meaning and fulfillment in your life is to be an actor in your own play.
If there is something that you care about or think is important, get involved. Break it down so it is small and you can do something about it.
We care, so let’s stop playing the “out there” game. Let’s stop pretending that some person we elect is going to somehow make our lives meaningful.
Only one person can make your life meaningful – you.
It is time for change. Ready? Go.
But, already there is disappointment.
Of course there is disappointment. How could there not be?
The change that we are seeking will not come because we elect someone, get married, decide to go to school, or anything else. It will not happen because of some external circumstance.
There is disappointment because in the year of change, we have not changed.
We still think this is how life happens:
• We want something different
• Some event happens
• It changes the quality of our life
We still live with the tired old paradigm that change happens to us. We act like we are audience members watching a show – and we sit and hope that the show will turn out in a way that we like.
It is time for change. It is time that we got up on stage. The only way for you to find meaning and fulfillment in your life is to be an actor in your own play.
If there is something that you care about or think is important, get involved. Break it down so it is small and you can do something about it.
We care, so let’s stop playing the “out there” game. Let’s stop pretending that some person we elect is going to somehow make our lives meaningful.
Only one person can make your life meaningful – you.
It is time for change. Ready? Go.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Letter to Peter Senge
December 18, 2008
Dear Peter,
Thank you for your inspiring words, your insights, and the challenge you offered for us to be in action at the International Coach Federation conference last month in Montreal.
I have long studied and implemented your work, specifically Schools that Learn. I also had the privilege to hear you speak at an educator conference in Illinois many years ago. One thing you spoke about was Masaru Emoto’s study on water. As I think about it, it is interesting that at this conference you again spoke about water, but this time the embedded kind.
After hearing you in Illinois, I made a sticker to put on my Nalgene water bottle. It said: “Thank you. I appreciate the beauty, power, and life giving energy you provide.” I put it on the bottle that I carry with me at all times; because of the challenges that we face and my effort to make a difference, I have not used a “single use” disposable water bottle in 5 years. I have even learned that at airport security they do not care about the bottle, they care about the liquid inside it.
At the ICF conference you commented that you returned back stage to get your single use water bottle that still had water in it. I almost ran up on stage to offer you an even better solution, but I did not want to alarm you or interrupt your presentation (if I had it to do over again, I would have run up there…next time). The better solution is bringing your own bottle!
There are some serious questions these days about the healthfulness of plastic bottles (even sturdy ones intended for multiple uses), so I offer the new paradigm, a metal bottle. I hope that you use it. That is my powerful request of you.
My hope is at your next presentation, instead of talking about the disposable bottle, you can tell the story about the coach from Oregon who sent you a bottle to use and you continually challenging your self to be the change we so desperately need.
With deep respect and gratitude for your work and you. By the way, I feel called to action and am on board. My work is with young people, and I am collecting the leaders of the future who will help us get out of this mess.
Playing Huge.
Morgan Rich
www.playhugecoaching.com
Author of the forthcoming book Launch Your Life: 5 secretes to knowing what you want in your teens, college years, and early career
Dear Peter,
Thank you for your inspiring words, your insights, and the challenge you offered for us to be in action at the International Coach Federation conference last month in Montreal.
I have long studied and implemented your work, specifically Schools that Learn. I also had the privilege to hear you speak at an educator conference in Illinois many years ago. One thing you spoke about was Masaru Emoto’s study on water. As I think about it, it is interesting that at this conference you again spoke about water, but this time the embedded kind.
After hearing you in Illinois, I made a sticker to put on my Nalgene water bottle. It said: “Thank you. I appreciate the beauty, power, and life giving energy you provide.” I put it on the bottle that I carry with me at all times; because of the challenges that we face and my effort to make a difference, I have not used a “single use” disposable water bottle in 5 years. I have even learned that at airport security they do not care about the bottle, they care about the liquid inside it.
At the ICF conference you commented that you returned back stage to get your single use water bottle that still had water in it. I almost ran up on stage to offer you an even better solution, but I did not want to alarm you or interrupt your presentation (if I had it to do over again, I would have run up there…next time). The better solution is bringing your own bottle!
There are some serious questions these days about the healthfulness of plastic bottles (even sturdy ones intended for multiple uses), so I offer the new paradigm, a metal bottle. I hope that you use it. That is my powerful request of you.
My hope is at your next presentation, instead of talking about the disposable bottle, you can tell the story about the coach from Oregon who sent you a bottle to use and you continually challenging your self to be the change we so desperately need.
With deep respect and gratitude for your work and you. By the way, I feel called to action and am on board. My work is with young people, and I am collecting the leaders of the future who will help us get out of this mess.
Playing Huge.
Morgan Rich
www.playhugecoaching.com
Author of the forthcoming book Launch Your Life: 5 secretes to knowing what you want in your teens, college years, and early career
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Holiday Season: Beyond Busyness
How do you make the holiday season meaningful for yourself? How do you juggle all the events and things to do and still enjoy it all? This show will be about making the most of the holiday season. Be ready to share your secrets and ideas for how we can all dash through the snow. And of course, there is always our focus on intention, which is essential, but not sufficient. Action is where your intention becomes your life.
Listen to Playing Huge this Sunday, December 14th at 8:00 p.m. PDST by going to www.blogtalkradio.com/playhuge.
Listen to Playing Huge this Sunday, December 14th at 8:00 p.m. PDST by going to www.blogtalkradio.com/playhuge.
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